If you are a bisexual person reading this, I am sure you have heard some opinions that sound bizarre to the ears. And, if you are a bisexual woman, let’s not forget the fetishization of lesbianism that exists in the male gaze. So, here are 10 things that I have had to deal with and not punch people in the face after hearing it.
“It’s just a phase.”
I think everyone’s tired of listening to this one. IT’S NOT A PHASE. And, for a split second, even if we were to assume that it is, how does that change the experience in any way? Sure, maybe at some point I might pick to be straight or gay, but right now, I am bisexual. And my sexuality is not something for me to prove to you. Or anyone else.
“Bisexuality is not a real thing. You are either straight or gay.”
But you can be both stupid and ignorant? Anyhoo, moving on…
Artwork: Pixabay
“So, you must be up for a threesome.”
Please stop thinking of women’s bisexuality as another way to fetishize us. Whether or not, I indulge in a threesome is my personal choice. My interest in women is not what is going to decide my interest in other sexual activities. Stop assuming stuff. Now.
- “If someone dates you, they are constantly going to be afraid of you cheating with someone of the opposite gender.”
NO! JUST NO! That’s not how it works. People who are bisexual can and do stay as committed to their partners as their heterosexual and homosexual counterparts.
“Don’t you feel the need for penetration when you are with a woman?”
Firstly, thank you for reducing men to just their penetrative powers. Secondly, it’s 2022. Can we please move beyond our restrictive ideas of sexual pleasure that do nothing but limit the various experiences possible that go above and beyond penetrative sex? Women’s pleasure can be so much more than just having something inside her.
Artwork: Unsplash
“Experimenting with your best friend doesn’t make you bisexual.”
This was said to me by a lesbian at a party after I told her that I had only slept with a friend until that point. And, trust me, the doubt that followed post that question wasn’t that great for me. Especially given that it came from another person in the community. At what point are we going to stop finding reasons to invalidate the experience of finding one’s sexual identity?
“You just haven’t been with a man who is man enough to get the gay out of you.”
To all the cisgender heterosexual men who want to find ways to turn our bisexuality into a personal challenge, please just don’t. It’s not gonna happen. And, with that attitude, you most certainly will not get access to the ‘straight’ side of me, either. Thank you.
“Are you sure you are not just pretending to fit in?”
Oh, I am sorry, I didn’t know that my personal preferences had to be a certain way for you to be convinced of things. I mean, how am I supposed to prove my bisexuality, anyway? Think about that for a second before asking such silly questions.
“Wait, so you sleep with both men and women? Together?”
So, since you are straight, am I to think that you are sleeping with woman and woman? Together? (And, no, being bisexual does not mean I am having an orgy every weekend. Doesn’t work like that.)
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“But how do you feel the same way for a woman the way you feel for a man?”
Because my idea of love is not restricted to any particular sex or gender. Just as you can experience love for multiple people of the opposite gender, every relationship of mine has those similar emotions. Simple!
Artwork: pixabay.com
Honestly, to everyone reading this, all I want to say is just treat people’s journey on their queer paths with respect and stop saying things that make them feel invalidated. Actually, that’s life advice to be followed for all spaces, honestly.
Until next time…
At the End:
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